back to square one

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Today is a very dark day. And not just outside, but on the inside too. It is not often as I write something from my heart on the world wide web like this. I don't even like to read when people do that. But I figured as this is my own blog, my own website, I can write whatever I want.

Today was a devastating day for me and my loved ones. We thought that things started to look brighter. But you once again blew the light out. 

Have you ever been let down so many times that you got used to it? I got used to it too. It was so frequent that I did not care about it anymore. It was nothing we could do for the person we loved so dearly anymore. We almost gave up, but we still kept going, kept fighting, always hoping to see that light. The light was always the same size, small and very far away. But finally! After fighting for so, so long, the light was getting bigger and brighter and we were so proud of you. 

The way you spoke, how much you seemed to have changed, how you started fighting for that light yourself. It was still a long way to go, but listening to your thoughts and feelings, I really started to believe that you will bring back the light. 

Until today. Back in total darkness again. We have no more light to give you, no more strength to fight. You have a choice to make now, and please let that choice be light. We need that light so badly, and we need it to be you that gives that to us. Please, we are all begging you.